One day when my son was maybe three years old, he suddenly bolted down the driveway and into the street, as fast as his little legs would take him. A neighbor mom, in her front yard two doors down, saw him; she immediately yelled, "[Name], you get back onto the sidewalk right this minute!" Then, seeing me running out to retrieve him, she started apologizing profusely to me. My response was to thank her equally profusely, and to say, please yell at my kid if you see him doing something stupid or dangerous.
I was reminded of this when I read Jeff Zaslow's column in today's Wall Street Journal (sorry, you might need to be a subscriber to read it all):
... As a society, we have grown reluctant to reprimand kids -- not just our own, but other people's, too. Yes, in theory, we believe it takes a village to raise a child. But lately, the village feels pressure to keep its collective mouth shut.
To combat the problem, child advocates are trying to bring back the concept of "parents beyond parents." They tout research showing that kids who receive constructive input from an array of adults are less likely to use drugs, lie to parents or commit crimes.
Michael Gurian is co-founder of the Gurian Institute in Colorado Springs, Colo., an educational training organization that compiles child-rearing research. He believes problems such as anorexia, depression and chronic stress in children are exacerbated because kids today often live in communities where nobody but their nuclear families seems to care much about them.
I once interviewed radio host Garrison Keillor, who lamented that "adults no longer dare to influence other people's children" by telling them to quiet down or tuck in their shirts. In his novel "Wobegon Boy," Mr. Keillor longs for the era when "you didn't smart off to elders, and if a lady you didn't know told you to blow your nose, you blew it."
But the truth is, today's kids often welcome discipline by outsiders, even if they roll their eyes.
Alana Schemers, 15, tells of inviting a male classmate to her home when her mother wasn't there. A neighbor saw the boy enter the house and called Alana's mother on her cellphone. Within minutes, Alana heard from her mom, who told her the boy had to leave. Alana still likes her neighbor, and sees the wisdom in the woman's decision to butt in. "It could prevent me from doing something stupid in the future," she says.
I'm so grateful for the Bible-study group in our parish to which my wife and I belong, because we provide just this kind of support for each other. For 10 or 15 years now, two Fridays a month, we meet to discuss a book, watch a video, etc.; then we and our kids go have supper at Skeeter's (aptly described as a sports bar for 10-year-olds). Over the years, we've gotten to know each other's kids, and they've gotten to know the other parents as well as the other kids. We've been to each other's baptisms, confirmations, school plays, and sports events; eventually, it'll be weddings and, in the fullness of time, funerals. It's been a real blessing.