The Questioning Christian

Dr Seuss-style review of Da Vinci Code

Ruth Gledhill, religion columnist of the [London] Times, posts a review of The Da Vinci Code that she says has been making the rounds by email.  Excerpt:

... I would not watch it on a table,
I would not watch when it's on cable.
I would not watch it in a chair,
I would not watch it anywhere.

I wish I had not paid eight bucks,
This movie really really sucks.

Minister, or Lawyer?

From the Wall Street Journal's LawBlog coverage of the Enron trial: 

The defense’s 29th and final witness was Ed Young, a popular Houston minister [senior pastor of megachurch Second Baptist].  Speaking of [former Enron CEO Ken] Lay, Young reportedly said, “I believe he loves God, I believe he works hard and I believe he’s a man who keeps his word.”   

On cross, prosecutor Cliff Stricklin told Young he had taken a religion course in college taught by one of Young’s sons.  Joking that Young’s son became a minister while he became a lawyer, Stricklin said, “You can draw your own conclusions from that.”  Retorted Young: “I already have.”

(Extra paragraphing added.)

Win a Date With E.J. Dionne! - Kinsley in WaPo

Michael Kinsley has a funny column (albeit a bit snide) in today's Washington Post; to appreciate the humor, it probably helps to be a political-columns junkie:

[BEGIN QUOTE] Nicholas Kristof writes a man's column. As he describes his life twice a week in the New York Times, Kristof (who just won this year's Pulitzer Prize for commentary) actually lives the fantasy that seduced us all into the column racket in the first place. Partying all night while accepting large bribes from businessmen who don't want to be mentioned in print and movie stars who do? No, no. That fantasy comes later. I mean: stripping down to your loincloth and swinging through the trees to some distant place of misery that those other lazy bastards are too fat and old and weak to get to, and rescuing victims of oppression with your superpower of worldwide publicity. No joke, he does good. But also: Cool! Not that Kristof ignores women's issues, either. He opposes rape, for example.

So naturally I was intrigued by a promotion the Times has been running: "Win a Trip With Nick Kristof." Gosh. Me? On a trip with Nick Kristof? Wowie. Nick himself writes: "I'm looking for a masochist. If your dream trip doesn't involve a five-star hotel in Rome or Bora-Bora, but a bedbug-infested mattress in a malarial jungle as hungry jackals yelp outside -- then read on." He adds, "Don't expect comfort so much as diarrhea." How on earth did Kristof know about my bedbugs-and-jackals-and-diarrhea fantasy? Bob Woodward promised me he wouldn't tell anyone else. [END QUOTE]

Read it all.

First Family Shakeup - Funny

From First Family Shakeup, by Ruth Marcus, in yesterday's Washington Post:

Dear Daughters Jenna and Barbara,

This is a difficult letter for me, your Dad, to write.  * * *

Please, girls, don't take this personally. Andy didn't, and he's been with the family almost as long. Definitely, we will spin this to the press as your decision entirely. You know, needing a break, this job chews you up, exhausted after five long years of late nights at Smith Point, want a chance to spend more time with your ... never mind, we'll go with the need-a-break part. And no one can take away from your achievements: You have been two of the longest-serving presidential daughter twins in history.

Anyway, the Josh-for-Andy swap didn't play quite as big as we hoped. Now, I'm getting killed with this general-a-day drumbeat on Rummy. So Uncle Don and Uncle Dick came up with this idea of replacing you two.

Read it all.

April Fools Jokes - the Greatest of All Time

See here.  (OK, it's a week late - so sue me [g].)

"Field of Hallucinations" - NY Times Op-Ed

Read it all.  I haven't laughed so hard in years; my daughter just came in asking what was going on, and the dog is acting concerned.

Pastaferianism - the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

But Is There Intelligent Spaghetti Out There?   In case you missed the buzz about “the super-intelligent, super-popular god known as the Flying Spaghetti Monster,” here’s a wrap-up article in the Times.

Intelligent Design, Meet "Intelligent Falling"

Somehow I missed The Onion's dead-on spoof of intelligent-design arguments last week, "Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity wth New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory."  Excerpt (paragraphing edited):

. . .  Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.

"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding.  The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force.

Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."

*  *  *

April Fool's Spoofs in UK Press - NYT Article

British newspapers, and even the BBC, seem to have more fun with April Fool's Day than does the U.S. press, as recounted in this New York Times article. Excerpt:

In 1977, the newspaper printed a supplement extolling the virtues of San Serriffe, an obscure semicolon-shaped country in the Indian Ocean comprising two islands, Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse. Its capital was Bodoni; its leader was the authoritarian General Pica, and many readers, missing the printers' terminology that informed every aspect of the hoax, telephoned The Guardian to ask how they might get there.

But the most famous fake news report took place on television, in 1957. That was when eight million viewers watched a BBC documentary showing a family in Ticino, Switzerland, harvesting spaghetti by carefully plucking cooked strands from a tree and laying them to dry in the sun.

It was a good year for spaghetti, the BBC's Jonathan Dimbleby reported, because of the mild weather and the success of the Swiss spaghetti weevil eradication program. The BBC was deluged with calls.

Hilarious Beatles Parody; Listen Before It Disappears

Check out Hearing Double before the record industry tries to shut it down -- some guy in the UK took the Beatles' Revolver album and mashed it with tracks from other artists, to produce, for example:

• Got To Get You In The Mood -- a mashup of Got to Get You Into My Life with Glenn Miller's In the Mood
• Eleanor Ciccone -- a mix of Eleanor Rigby with Madonna's Ray of Light)
• Sunshine a Go Go -- a combination of Good Day Sunshine, Getting Better, and All You Need Is Love, mashed with The Byrds' Eight Miles High,The Who's I Can See For Miles, and Deeelite's Groove Is In The Heart